I never thought I’d be the person that did to someone else, what has been done to me in the past…something that hurts and tears inside. I pushed away my very best friend in the world. I didn’t make time for him. I think about him all the time, and I ache for what I’ve done. It’s much easier to think of leaving the earth than to feel the hurt inside. The knife in his back is driven deep, all because of me. There are no excuses. It’s all my fault. And now, I’ll live alone forever.
March 5, 2008
‘Don’t let them get under your skin.’ How did that expression come about? Something so easily said yet so terribly difficult at times to uphold. It’s happened to me of late. Of course I chanted under my breath, ‘don’t let her/them get under your skin.’ Has it worked? Maybe to a point. Tonight however, I’ve realized something important. Surely something I already knew but finally am recognizing on my own.
I’m leaving a job that in all honesty I really like doing. I enjoy most of my customers and many of my coworkers. There is one however, who has gotten ‘under my skin.’ Naturally no names will be mentioned. I will say this. She’s young and pretty and flirty with every male in our office. Suddenly I’ve found myself surrounded by her flirtatious relationships and acts of getting attention. It’s turned into ‘her world.’ It’s gotten to the point that I feel so insignificant that no matter what I do to prove my worth as an employee, it’s overshadowed by this adolescent behavior and weakness of male counterparts. I feel second best. A feeling I don’t like to feel.
I suppose the best thing out of all of this is I am leaving at the best time. I’m getting out of ‘her world’ and beginning a new chapter in my own. Getting this new job just may prove to be a step in my favor…of helping my esteem and getting me back to feeling I am number one…in my own world. In the end, that’s all that matters.
February 22, 2008
One Last Dance
Where do you go when the world stops turning
When the skies turn gray
When the birds stop singing
What do I do when my heart stops loving?
When my soul stops living
When my mind stops working
What happens when the body breaks down?
When love walks away
When the pain worsens by the minute
How can I carry on?
Without you in my life
Without your arms around my waist
Without your smile to greet me everyday
Why did this happen
The breakdown of our love
The starvation of my soul
The crookedness of your heart
Who am I?
When you’re not around
When the tears just won’t stop
When life’s trials hit so hard
Can I make it another day?
Without you to make love to
Without the music of our hearts dancing together
Without your smile to greet me
I will survive
I can move on
But it won’t be the same, never
I need you and I want you
Make love to me
Love me
Be with me
For one more day
One more dance
For the end of time
